My last blog post was in April, in this age of the Tsunami of content, I am constantly amazed by how much content has, all of a sudden, been unleashed on mankind. There are reels, shorts, videos, posts, Vlogs, blogs, podcasts, pictures, statuses and WhatsApp to catch up on. Leave alone the TV, the newspapers, the books and movies to catch up on. When I sat down to write tonight, I was calculating, I have made a little over 70 posts in the last 12 years and those too I feel I could pass off as ramblings of a melancholic mind. That's an average of one post every 2 months. I find that it's getting increasingly hard to write down something introspective or discover a new conclusion. Today's blog is about 5 observations and conclusions from the last 5 months of this phase of introspection. I was once asked what triggers my blogs and what do I read and absorb? I will write that down today. I am not a High IQ person but blessed/cursed with observability, curiosity and the big curse that I don't forget small things, Visuals, words and expressions. I can't remember birthdays /anniversaries but a minute detail will stay with me. My other secret is that I make mental sticky notes, small things that I jot down. For the first time, I will share the sticky notes first and then will share my conclusions later.
#1 - Oscar Wilde said, If you know exactly what you want to be in life, like a teacher or a general or a politician or a judge, you will invariably become it; that is your punishment. If you never know what you want to be, reinventing yourself every morning, not being a noun but being a verb, moving in life in pursuit of something new, this is what I call the "artistic" life and this dynamic life is your reward.
#2- There is a Bulleshah Kaafi that I am a huge fan of, it says, Jiven padta jaavan dher mein, Menu disda Jaave haner ve, means the more I learn and reflect, the more cognizant I am, of the darkness around.
#3 In my daily diet of Ghazals and poetry, I often stumble upon Ghazals whose meaning has evolved or has another connotation after so many years. Ahmed Faraz, in a mushaira in Houston in 1990, I will copy this "as is" in Hindi
रफ़ाक़तों में पशेमानियाँ तो होती हैं, कि दोस्तों से भी नादानियाँ तो होती हैं
बस इस सबब से, कि तुझ पर बहुत भरोसा था, गिले न हों भी तो, हैरानियाँ तो होती हैं
उदासियों का सबब क्या कहें बजुज़ इसके, ये ज़िन्दगी है, परेशानियाँ तो होती हैं
'फ़राज़' भूल चुका है तेरे फ़िराक़ के दुःख, कि शायरों में तनासानियाँ तो होती हैं
#4 In the book "Eat Pray and Love" there is a small paragraph, where the author Elizabeth Gilbert says, "Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
#5. Sometimes, enemies come in the form of friends. Dronacharya is an example. I
So, Oscar Wilde, Bulle Shah, Elizabeth Gilbert, Ahmed Faraz and Mahabharat , how do these sticky notes inspire me to write my conclusions.
Mob V/s Maverick: One of the parameters I often use to asses or to understand a stranger is to understand their primary pursuit in life, their primary core value set and their core convictions. Somehow this part I never learnt, this just got downloaded to me in my teenage. My environment was seeing my grandparents, their battles, my parents and a few friends. In the late 80s, to 90s, till today, I used to wonder how the primary pursuit in every single teenager was Money and subtly more power and behind that was a desire to quench their ego thirst. Why did everyone want to top the class, get into a better college and get a better job or move to US/Canada and make more money, bigger car and an envious life. It's not a bad pursuit especially when our means were extremely limited but can that be the only pursuit or purpose of life, to be gainfully employed. I used to observe my maternal grandfather, he was a rich landlord before partition and had his own horse to ride during his days at Govt College Lahore where he graduated in English and a Master's in Political Science, in the 80s, he lived in a small 2-room rented house in Delhi, he used one room to take tuitions for university students. Money was always in short supply, despite that fact, all his conversations were never about money or how he would buy his house or save, feel secure. On the contrary, his entire day would get spent helping people with something or the other, admissions, career advice, connecting Punjabi migrants, meetings in Ramkrishna mission, and connecting families for wedding proposals for their children. I had seen many parents come to him and request that their child be taught for free. He would not only do that but ask bookshop owners to give them books for free, he would never negotiate a fare with a rickshaw puller. He would read books, four newspapers every day , In english , in Urdu , in Hindi and in Gurmukhi . His pursuit was educating the children of Punjabi Refugees as a priority.
One lesson he taught me "Ameer hone mein aur Raees hone mein farak hota hai , ameer aadmi ke pass paisa hota hai aur sirf paisa hota hai , raees aadmi ke pass , Paisa , Izaat aur purpose , in teeno mein se 2 cheezein hoti hain" How profound.
My dad was also an amazing personality, despite our middle-class existence, he was the Go-To person for everyone in the family, he will light up every room with his laughter and wit. His pursuit was to make life better for everyone around him. He loved his food, his whiskey, his smoke and his jokes!
I often look at the three tenets of "raees" My primary pursuit in life is to be a " Utility" till I die, be a good utility everywhere in life, that's it. It's been this way since my teenage and won't change.
That's why Oscar Wilde is on my yellow sticky.
Constant v/s Variable: One of my other observations about people is to comprehend what are their "constants" and what are their variables. There is a simple test of this, Take a base data day as the day you turned 18 and then choose a date every 7 years, now list down, 5 things you feel most committed to and most passionate about and see what's changed. Do we take pride in what's changing and why. Recently an old friend came home, He has lived in the US for the last 24 years and we have been friends since 1990. We looked at the same list, what's constant in us and what's the variable. A lot in me hasn't changed, Ghazals, Spiritual learning, observability, travel and love of food. Variables are the value I placed on " things " in life, that are changing a lot. More than trivial things in life, it's what I value in people Are they good talkers or a doer, can you bank on them when you need them Does the person just talk, or do they get stuff done. Is the person primarily a taker, or a giver? Optimist or a Pessimist, Does the person radiate positive energy or does (s)he drain your energy? This hasn't changed. This disambiguation between constants and variables helps align with your primary pursuit as well.
Thats why Ahmed Faraz is on my yellow sticky.
Love v/s Possession: One of the key conclusions I have, is that we do not understand love and Solitude, when people say I love you, they are actually saying "I want to be loved " and pedestalised ( there is no such word, I just made it up ) and loved back. There is a line in Kumar Vishwas Ghazal that stuck with me "Ussi kee tarah Mujhe saara zamana Chahe , woh mera hone se zyada mujhe paana chahe" . Most people in love want to possess you, they want the bond and an exclusive bond and relationship defined by social markers. Love is a subject to study and my study originated in Vrindavan. One has to understand, Shri Krishna, Radha Rani, Rukmini and Meerabai. The most fundamental aspect that Radha’s character depicts is that of surrender. It means surrendering our ego, our unnecessary material needs, and our narcissism and devoting ourselves to the beloved (In this case Krishna) One shouldn’t restrict the character of Radha just as Krishna’s lover. The relation and bond between Radha and Krishna cannot be labelled through common scales of human emotions. Biologically, Radha and Krishna are depicted as two different bodies according to Hindu mythology but the fact is they share the same energy. That's the word " energy ". Meera loved god in the form of Krishna, but Meera's love is the love of a perfect human being. She has no need, she does not want anything from Krishna; she simply goes on giving. She has a song to sing, she sings. She has a dance to dance, she dances. She has nothing to get, she only gives. And she gets a thousandfold -- that is another thing, but she has nothing to get. The closest benchmark of this love is parental love. Love doesn't mean companionship, it means Solitude too.
That's why Elizabeth Gilbert is on my yellow sticky.
Flight Mode v/s Social Mode
I have written this before, I like the time in flight, primarily because of the simple fact that you are not on a Mobile network (at least in India domestic flights ). It's time to not look at the phone. No one will call or message me, I call the cell phone the modern-day Dog Leash. I often pick newspapers from the airport lounge and read them all on the 2-3 hour flight. Flight Mode is therapeutic. In General in life too. It's not necessary to have a lot of friends or a social circle. A big social circle makes one seek validation/approval from their circle, that need for validation is an addiction. Flight mode makes you comfortable with an "incognito" life. I have very few friends. I'm an associate of everybody and a friend of just four. Social Mode is a choice that a lot of people make. I also often wonder why the phone camera is possibly a civilisational change, I know people who have taken thousands if not hundreds of pictures of themselves and life is planned "selfie" backwards. Is that an ego play, or does the need for a huge friend circle correlate to our egos? I don't know but I do know one Bulle shah kaafi .
फुलां दा तू अत्तर बना , अत्तरां दा फेर कड दरया , उस दरया दे विच तू रज्ज के नाहा , मछलियां वांगु फेरियां पा , फेर वी तेरी "बो" नहीं मुकनी , पेहलां अपनी "मैं मुका .....
Make perfume from flowers, then make a river of that perfume, then you bathe in that river like a fish, still your "stench" won't go away, first, you need to let go of your stinking ego called "I"
I have a confession to make, I had a few very close friends in life who aren't friends anymore. If I see them at the airport accidentally, it may disturb me momentarily but I regret investing emotional bandwidth or memories on them.
That's why Mahabharat and Dronacharya is on my yellow sticky.
Death v/s Done Living
Death is a reality we all know but I also think everyone dies in the same mental state. Some people live a full life and one day realise that they are done living, there is nothing more significant that they want to achieve. I want to die with my shoes on but should have checked all boxes on my bucket list. I dont want to die , I wish to be "done living " one day!
When I am dead, I will be yesterday's newspaper. No one is going to remember me when I'm dead. Oh, maybe a few friends will remember me affectionately. Being remembered isn't the most important thing anyhow. It's what you do when you are here that's important.
That's my life's key purpose.
That's why Bulleshah is on my yellow sticky.
Today's ghazal is by Nida Fazli and of course Jagjit Singh !
बदला न अपने आप को जो थे वही रहे, मिलते रहे सभी से मगर अजनबी रहे।
दुनिया न जीत पाओ तो हारो न खुद को तुम, थोड़ी बहुत तो ज़हन में नाराज़गी रहे।
अपनी तरह सभी को किसी की तलाश थी, हम जिसके भी करीब रहे दूर ही रहे।
गुज़रो जो बाग़ से तो दुआ मांगते चलो, जिसमें खिले हैं फूल वो डाली हरी रहे।
हर वक्त हर मुकाम पर हँसना मुहाल है, रोने के वास्ते भी कोई बेकली रहे ।
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